It's been awhile. I've been having trouble with the update for Internet Explorer that I had really hoped to resolve, but I'm not super tech-savvy so I just gave up and downloaded Google Chrome. Ugh. Computers...
A little update:
Summer semester has ended and Fall semester has begun. I am taking 15 credits, volunteering for a disabled student, involved in an exercise study, participating in a weekly group for victims of sexual abuse, attending a support group for family members of addicts, and doing individual counselling as well. There is no more room in my schedule!
The boys are learning and growing. We found someone good for daycare and they seem to be adjusting as well as can be expected.
Mr. M and I are still really back and forth. I would love to save our marriage if that were a healthy option for both of us, but I am losing hope. There has been a lot of hurt lately.
Me and the boys went to Denver! We flew. On a plane. On our own. More on that in another post.
I am really struggling with depression, money issues, stress, and self-esteem. I'm weary and simply worn down from the daily, weekly, monthly struggle. Mr. M had agreed to watch our sons tonight so I could do something for myself tonight, but things fell apart. He arrived acting defensive, rude, and combative. I didn't feel good about the way he was acting and I felt like the boys needed to stay home. So no break for Mommy and a night crying instead.
With everything going on, I feel like I need this outlet more than ever. I desperately need to talk, to be heard. I feel like the people in my life that should be listening just shut me down. It's frustrating and heart-wrenching to feel so distant from everyone around me that I love. I just need someone to honestly tell me that I'm doing well with what I've been given.
I'm not feeling very hopeful or cheerful tonight. I'll have my little pity party and then I'll get back up on that horse and ride it like a champion again.
Love,
Story
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